


but in those hours, i'm all yours

by 6woojin



Category: GOT7
Genre: Canon Compliant, Domestic, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Esteem Issues, background jjp bc i am Trash TM, im sorry i always tag so much aldfjsklj, insomniac youngjae, ish?? like. yugjae share a room, lapslock, yj angsts a bit bc of heteronormative society
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-18
Updated: 2016-07-18
Packaged: 2018-07-21 20:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7402891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/6woojin/pseuds/6woojin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>on most days, youngjae is awake late enough to see the hours blur together and the light of his computer outshine the sun.<br/>on most days, yugyeom is awake early enough to see the sun rise and youngjae fast asleep under the sheets.</p><p>somehow, they make it work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but in those hours, i'm all yours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [euborne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/euborne/gifts).



> thanks to deni for supporting this @ the beginning,,,, and thanks to hui for helping me edit this when i wanted to surprise deni w the finished fic :')

it's no secret that youngjae spends most of his nights curled up at his desk, tapping away at his keyboard and working to get farther in the latest game.

a third of it is habit; for months, youngjae had gotten used to staying up until his body shuts down, waking up in the afternoon and feeling completely drained. it's not exactly fun, but he's never really had better, so he has nothing to compare it to.

another third of it is that youngjae is essentially obsessed with games, mind refusing to wander even as he continues on with his other activities. while he knows it's not completely healthy, he also knows that he could be addicted to something much worse.

the last third is attributed to the sense of nihility that welcomes him every time night fades into morning and his hands move even as his eyes start to stammer shut. it's a strange sort of calm that creeps into the corners of his body, seeping into his edges and curves until he floats out of consciousness.

all in all, youngjae always stays up late, his sleeping habits easily becoming a constant fixture in the group's schedule.

it's something he'd avoid if he could, but sleep just doesn't come as easily to him as it does to the other members. on those occasions, when he ends up with bags under his eyes and a crick in his neck, he finds comfort in the little things, like how he knows he'd much rather sleep for a few hours every night instead of tossing and turning for hours on end.

when he plays games, it feels like he has a choice, like he's the one choosing to stay awake.

he makes sure to stay as quiet as he can, the only noises are the clicks of his mouse or the occasional tapping at his keyboard. as youngjae had gotten used to all of the members' quirks, they had also gotten used to his, quickly adapting to falling asleep to the sounds of youngjae playing games in his room. it's only because of that that youngjae tries not to feel too bad about the noise when everyone else is drifting off and he's left in the corner of his room, fingers working over his keyboard.

even when his eyes start to drift shut, youngjae's hands move sluggishly over the computer, and he falls asleep next to a pixel screen adn an overheated computer more than he does under a bundle of blankets and a group member by his side.

sometimes, though, he'll fall asleep by the computer and wake up in bed, and he knows better to trust it when his friends look to the side and shrug it off.

there are times when he wakes up, only barely, when someone picks him up, and sometimes he can recognize the curve of jaebum's shoulders or the edge of mark's jaw, or even the strength in jackson's hands. it doesn't take him long to figure out that each of the members have a designated day to bring him to bed; jaebum takes him on sundays, mark has mondays (youngjae knows jackson had something to do with the alliteration), jinyoung has tuesdays, bambam has wednesdays, jackson has thursdays, and yugyeom has fridays. it's on saturdays that he forces himself to go to bed, if only so none of the other members have to worry about him, and somehow it works.

at some point though, the members stop bringing youngjae to his bed, and instead take him to their own. it was an accident the first time; youngjae finds out the morning after he wakes up in jackson's bed when he overhears said member talking to jaebum and explaining that he had been "really,  _really_ tired, hyung; i just moved on autopilot, you know?" and the one incident apparently sends a signal to all of the other members, because soon youngjae starts to spend almost all of his nights in the other members' rooms.

//

it's when they're all watching movies together, curled against each other's sides across the couch and floor, that youngjae manages to voice the question nagging in the back of his head.

"how do you know when i'm asleep?" he asks. an explosion goes off on screen, but everyone's eyes are on him. youngjae shifts, a little uncomfortable under all of the sudden attention, but he stands his ground regardless. (jaebum looks at him proudly and smiles. youngjae smiles a little back.)

"what?" jinyoung asks, but it's not really a question.

jackson blinks at him, and suddenly realizes that the press against the side of his thighs has lessened, and yugyeom has shifted ever so slightly away from where he sits on the left, instead training his eyes on the screen.

"nevermind." youngjae mumbles. jaebum's eyes flick to yugyeom, but mark is  _slightly_ less subtle, staring directly at the maknae. the quiet settles against them like ash, all of them too afraid to move and set something off.

youngjae barely hesitates before he moves to put his head on yugyeom's lap and his legs draped over jaebum and jinyoung. it's a split second decision that leaves his heart stuttering against his chest, his thoughts a whirlwind of  _please let this work, please please please_.

there's something heavy in the air, tense as it rests on youngjae's shoulders, but then yugyeom relaxes a little and everyone turns back to the tv.

no one says anything else about the conversation, and youngjae ends up falling asleep with yugyeom's fingers in his hair and mark leaning back against the edge of his legs.

(before he drifts off, youngjae keeps thinking about yugyeom throughout the movie. when the main character chases after the love of his life and kisses her -  _her_ , because it's always like that, because it's always a girl and there's always a guy - and youngjae wants so desperately for someone to look at him like that, to hold him like that, to kiss him like that even as weak and needy as it seems, and when he imagines yugyeom watching him with fond eyes, he hates himself all the more.)

//

five days later, youngjae wakes up with his head on yugyeom's arms and their limbs tangled like weeds in a garden. (yugyeom is the bush and the flowers, young and growing and beautiful in so many ways, all while youngjae is the weed, unwanted and destructive as it pretends to be something greater.)

despite how mismatched it all is, youngjae feels secure with yugyeom beside him, around him. there's a certain kind of safety that comes with staying in yugyeom's arms that isn't given with the other members; youngjae feels safe and relaxed with them, but there's something so strangely assuring about yugyeom's presence that makes youngjae think that maybe neither of them are weeds; maybe they're two flowers blooming side by side, stems intertwined.

there's something about yugyeom's very existence, the way he looks at and treats youngjae, that makes the older boy feel like hes something  _more_. it's something that the other members hint at too, when they smile longer or pull him in closer or laugh a little more at his jokes, but the way yugyeom does it is so easy and natural that it's almost impossible to notice, but just as impossible to forget once you do.

"morning." yugyeom manages quietly, and youngjae blinks away his thoughts and smiles back, chirping out a greeting as best he can.

yugyeom smiles softly, still sluggish with sleep as he yawns, and when he looks at youngjae, there's a story in his eyes that's impossible to read but is still the one that youngjae knows and loves the most.

//

youngjae tries not to think too much about the way his heart seems to settle down in his chest when yugyeom lays against him, warm skin pressed against his side like the ocean on a beach, something steady and sure that always comes back after it leaves.

he's not sure how this started, but somewhere over the past few days, they've gotten into a habit of pulling up extra chairs beside the desktop, yuygeom curling up against him and dozing off as youngjae clicks away at the computer.

it's a strangely domestic scene, one jinyoung especially likes to comment on, but it's comfortable and comforting and something youngjae never knew he needed, so they fall into the habit like it's second nature.

for the most part, they stay silent and yugyeom drifts off as youngjae stays focused on his game. his attention never strays too much onto yugyeom; it had happened once, and youngjae hadn't slept at all. with yugyeom, one thought always leads to another, leaving youngjae with little more than an aching heart and a tiredness that went further than his body.

youngjae tries not to think about yugyeom too much. it makes the flowers blooming against his lungs a little easier to ignore, so he takes what he can get.

"do you ever miss home?" yugyeom says quietly. for a moment, youngjae thinks he might be sleeptalking, albeit pretty clearly for someone completely knocked out, but then yugyeom shifts to glance up at him and there's a startling clarity in his eyes.

youngjae's character dies in the game. the words  _play again?_ flash on the screen, and he breathes out, quiet exhale still blooming to his own ears.

"yeah," he says, both because it's true and because he wants yugyeom to know he's not alone in his loneliness, "do you?" yugyeom watches him carefully, and suddenly youngjae feels too loud and too large and too  _everything_.

then yugyeom sighs and the spell is broken, the two of them settling back into their original spots as yugyeom hums quietly.

"i don't know if becoming an idol was a good idea." yugyeom admits suddenly. it's a confession unusual for the maknae, a doubt forming after too many hours and not enough progress, and youngjae's heart lurches a little in its cage.

"honestly? i think it was," youngjae says, but his words are more careful than he likes, each syllable a raindrop against cracked ice while he prays his voice doesn't turn into a storm, "i think that was your dream and that you followed it and that you're amazing. i think you're doing something you care about and you enjoy and that you're good at, and i think if you weren't part of got7, we wouldn't be the same." youngjae murmurs, and now it's pouring against the frigidness and beating down alongside his heart. "and i wouldn't have met you otherwise."

"you might have," yugyeom says softly, but his tone is lighter, more content, like youngjae said exactly what he needed to hear, "i might've been your fan." he grins at youngjae, smile wide and unashamed.

youngjae laughs, hitting yugyeom's shoulder even as the younger boy begins giggling loudly. youngjae's heart stammers against him, pressing against his bones and his skin like a fire in its heat and insistence, but youngjae ignores it.

//

jinyoung doesn't even glance away from his book once, hand moving absentmindedly to the side to reach for his glasses. youngjae's not quite sure what the point is of looking at a book you can't even see clearly, but it's one of jinyoung's quirks that youngjae knows and loves regardless.

youngjae shifts in his spot, gaze flickering over to the older boy and away from his phone if only for a second. he considers how even the thought of yugyeom starts something inside him, something that both flutters and still against his lungs all at once. it's gotten to the point where it settles against his heart with an insistence uncommon to him, and he's still trying to decide if the pressure is painful.

"hyung," youngjae says, taking small comfort in the way jinyoung only hums quietly in reply, "i like guys."

jinyoung hums again, eyes never leaving his book. youngjae bilnks a little, turning off his phone and setting it aside to pout at the older boy.

"jinyoung hyung," he frowns, and when jinyoung glances up in response, he sighs, "hyung, i like guys."

"i heard you, but okay?" jinyoung puts his book down carefully, watching youngjae like he's studying another book, deciding if it's something he wants to check out or not.

"aren't you- shouldn't you be reacting a little more?" youngjae scrambles, suddenly confused. this entire conversation isn't one he would've imagined having years ago, but now that he's here, the nonchalance in jinyoung's voice throws him off balance, like moving the rope under a tight rope walker.

"i'm sorry if i'm not treating it as though it's not important, but it's just that it's not completely surprising," jinyoung says slowly, "and i'm not straight either."

there's a moment of silence as youngjae's heart quiets and then,

"what?"

"i thought you knew." jinyoung murmurs, pushing the book further aside so he can sit with his legs bent beside him on the couch. "i'm not- most of us aren't. we all thought you knew." youngjae sinks further back into his seat, jinyoung's words settling in against his chest. it's suddenly all too impossible to breathe, and he forces himself to at least blink.

"but- how are you so okay with that?" youngjae's head spins.

"most of us don't label it," jinyoung admits, "but we're open enough. we haven't always been, but," he hesitates a little, tugging at the corners of his sleeves, "we've all realized that fighting it doesn't make it go away, so." he shrugs a little. "we've kind of just accepted it."

youngjae tries to force himself to breathe. jinyoung moves to sit beside youngjae, settling against him with a familiarity only time can bring, and youngjae relaxes a little.

"how long have all of you known?"

"some of us longer than others." jinyoung says simply. he runs a hand up and down youngjae's back, and it's comforting even if (or maybe because) it reminds youngjae of his parents. "are you okay?"

"yeah," youngjae manages, and they both know it's a lie, "i don't- who is  _we_? is everyone- is got7, is-"

"jackson hyung identifies as pan," jinyoung murmurs, rubbing patient circles against youngjae's skin, "jaebum hyung doesn't like labels, but he likes me," he gives a small wink and youngjae flushes a little because  _of course he does, it's obvious_ , "mark hyung doesn't think about it much and 'tries not to limit himself', bambam is pretty sure he's straight but we're all pretty sure he's not, and yugyeom is more gay than jaebum hyung and i combined." he pauses a little. "so i guess none of us are really straight." jinyoung chuckles a little, but he trails off when he notices youngjae's quietness.

it's not the same kind of quiet that covers them when they're tired and busy and  _together_ ; it's the kind of quiet that burns when it brushes against skin and crackles between bones, its sparks uncomfortable but electrifying all the same.

"youngjae," jinyoung used his other hand to hold youngjae's own, and youngjae begins to feel the weight on his chest get a little lighter, "hey, you alright?" there's a small pause, but youngjae nods his head a little and it's infinitely more sincere than his previous answer.

"how'd you know that i was- that i wasn't," youngjae stumbles over his words, tripping over syllables like a blind man scaling down a skyscraper, but jinyoung waits patiently at the bottom with a megaphone and a map and a heart of gold, "that i'm not straight?" he doesn't know if the question is one he wants the answer to, but part of him itches to understand, so he tries not to regret much.

"a feeling," jinyoung grins, "and the fact that you swoon over yugyeom nonstop."

youngjae's entire face flushes, and he pushes jinyoung away even as the older boy holds him closer, laughing against his side while youngjae makes strangled noises of protest.

"hyung," he whines, although his head feels clearer somehow and his breaths come a little bit easier, "don't tease."

"i know, i know," jinyoung chuckles lightly, having somehow shifted in his laughter to lay down and have his head on youngjae's lap, "i'm just messing with you a little. i don't think i've ever seen you have such a big crush on someone before." youngjae ducks his head a little, letting his fingers tangle in jinyoung's hair in a desperate effort to stay calm. while not unnoticed, he'd never accepted his feelings for yugyeom so readily, and jinyoung's openness makes every single thought that youngjae had about yugyeom rush back to the forefront of his mind.

"yeah," he says quietly, and even though it's a few beats too late to be casual, jinyoung stays quiet.

youngjae contemplates speaking up again, talking to jinyoung or at least asking him more questions, but just as he tries to choose what to say, he hears footsteps approaching from the doorway. jinyoung sits up immediately, turning his head to face the doorway and eyes lighting up immediately when he sees who it is.

"hyung," jinyoung smiles, and there's a warmth to everything he does that leaves youngjae unsurprised when jaebum comes around the edge of the couch, settling against jinyoung and smiling at youngjae.

"i'm not interrupting something, right?" jaebum asks, and youngjae sees the way jaebum watches jinyoung carefully. it's clear how well they know each other, how one wrong glance would be enough for jaebum to leave immediately, and youngjae watches as jinyoung leans back against jaebum, the two of them relaxing in each other's presence as jinyoung shakes his head slightly.

"we were just talking." jinyoung hums, and jaebum raises an eyebrow playfully.

"talking?" he chances a glance up at youngjae, eyes bright and kind. it reminds youngjae of those fathers he sees on tv, the ones who always joke around with their kids and their boss and their friends and their wife (their  _wife_ , he thinsk bitterly). youngjae blushes a little and nods. "what were you guys talking about?"

jinyoung looks at youngjae, eyebrows raised, every feature of him a polite,  _can i tell him?_ and youngjae nods a little.

"our little youngjae came out to me," jinyoung says, and his tone is so purposefully playful and light that it helps distract youngjae from how awfully domestic it is, leaving youngjae to burrow his face in the gap between jinyoung's side and arm.

jaebum makes a small noise that sounds suspiciously like cooing, and youngjae whines in the back of his throat, shifting to his his face even more.

"hey," jaebum says softly, and when youngjae feels a hand pressing against his arm, warm and strong and safe, he knows it's jaebum, "look at me, okay?" youngjae obliges only reluctantly, watching the leader with eyes that are more shy than they are scared. "i'm proud of you." jaebum smiles, moving his hand to run it through youngjae's hair, and youngjae is hit with the realization that jaebum  _understands_. jaebum understands because he knows youngjae and because he knows himself, and the smile on his face barely shakes even when youngjae can feel tears welling up in his eyes, carving paths down his cheeks.

"oh, youngjae" jaebum sighs, his every move calming and gentle as jinyoung moves ever closer against the younger, whispering gently against youngjae's head. it's the closest to home youngjae has ever felt, and he cries harder, held close and safe by two of the people that he loves the most.

//

youngjae spends the next few weeks with dust inside his lungs, covering the edges of his words whenever he sees the rest of his members. it's covered easily enough, but sometimes someone looks at him a little too closely, and it feels like light is pouring through the window. it hits every inch of his heart and he curls up just a little more, quickly learning how to sweep away the dust enough to avoid curious stares and concerned questions.

he can't tell someone he's okay when he's not even sure what okay is, who  _he_ is. it's an inconvenient time to have an identity crisis, but whatever.

it helps that their entire team has been busy slaving over their comeback, the upcoming performances and promotions (and everything, really) leaving everyone in a constant cycle of work, practice, and sleep. it's exhausting to say the least, but there are moments when the world slows a little and youngjae can look around and honestly say that he feels happy.

sometimes yugyeom will help him practice one of the trickier parts of their choreography and youngjae finally does it right and then yugyeom smiles so bright that youngjae feels like he maybe he shines just as much.

at other times, a few of them will be stuck in the recording studio late at night, going over line after line and trying to get their parts right; jaebum deals out tea and water like it's all he knows how to do, the rest of them doing everything they can to balance giving their all while not wrecking their throats. they'll go through their parts over and over again and then youngjae nails his and everyone cheers, and yugyeom is  _smiling_ and youngjae feels like the sun itself.

in fact, if youngjae's going to be honest, the times when he's happiest are when he sees yugyeom smiling, but whether it's because of coincidence or causation is beyond him.

while it does seem like something that youngjae should look into, that would also require a certain level of communication, which would ultimately lead to at least acknowledging the fact that yugyeom figures out when youngjae falls asleep and then goes to wake up the designated hyung to take youngjae to bed. it's a conversation youngjae doesn't know if he wants to have, but as inevitable as it is, youngjae is content with being left in the dark for as long as he possibly can.

//

it's a few days later that youngjae realizes yugyeom might not feel the same. (okay,  _definitely_ doesn't feel the same.)

"hyung," yugyeom starts, voice quiet against the corners of dusk, "why haven't you brought it up?" youngjae hesitates, turning away from the glow of his computer to make out yugyeom's features in the bed across the room. the younger boy's voice is groggy and rough in a way that fatigue can only partially explain, but youngjae's eyes are drooping and he's struggling enough with simply processing yugyeom's words that he doesn't pay it much mind.

"what do you mean?" youngjae chooses his words carefully, but from the way yugyeom blinks sluggishly back at him, youngjae figures his slow consideration is unnecessary.

"you know what." yugyeom pouts, shuffling to bring the blanket up to his chin. over the past couple of hours, yugyeom had somehow managed to make himself a cocoon of sheets, refusing to budge or move around too much ("it'll disturb my masterpiece, hyung"). youngjae shakes his head slowly, and yugyeom burrows his head even further into his nest. "the thing.  _your_ thing." he says it like it's obvious, like there's only one thing that they could ever be talking about, and youngjae feels very, very scared.

"my-" youngjae hesitates, because suddenly panic is rising in his throat and he feels ready to throw up and pass out all at once, "my thing. which part of my thing?" he tries to steady himself, his racing heart and his racing thoughts, but he fails miserably. "the first part or the second part?" all at once, youngjae can't breathe, can't feel his heart beating or the blood under his skin; he feels still, empty, and yugyeom is looking at him so intensely that youngjae's empty shell of a body feels like it's on fire.

"both parts." yugyeom whispers. he sounds almost as scared as youngjae feels, and it would be comforting if it didn't mean that they were both terrified. there's silence, and then youngjae whispers,

"how long have you known?" youngjae digs his nails into the palm of his hand and fights every nerve in his body telling him to run, to leave before it's too late. yugyeom sits up, the blankets settling rather awkwardly around him. youngjae watches a bit distractedly as the cocoon unfolds onto itself, and he can't help the part of him that thinks about what a shame it is.

"how long have i known what?" yugyeom asks quietly, and it's so deliberate and calculated that youngjae feels like maybe his terror is justified if yugyeom treats it like it's such a big deal.

"how long have you known that, you know," youngjae makes a vague gesture with his hand, and when yugyeom tilts his head expectantly, youngjae keeps his eyes trained down, "that i'm not straight and i'm halfway in love with you?"

the silence in the room gets heavier. youngjae feels something on his face, burning trails down his cheeks and he doesn't realize he's crying until yugyeom speaks up and,

"hyung, i was talking about me checking up on you during the night because i have the biggest crush on you," yugyeom sputters as youngjae wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand, "hyung, oh my god, please don't cry, i'm sorry, i-" yugyeom stumbles from the bed, standing in front of youngjae with his hands twisted in the edge of his shirt. his fingers stumble in their way, shaking slightly as they card through youngjae's hair, but then yugyeom is hugging him, holding him, whispering into his shoulder, and youngjae feels like a giant puddle.

even as youngjae tries desperately to stop, he still finds himself hiccuping against yugyeom's chest, breaths coming ragged and wet as yugyeom continues to talk to him.

yugyeom murmurs against his skin, pressing gentle kisses as he moves, and it's something they'd shared before but not like this, never like  _this_.

then yugyeom leans back a little bit, wiping at youngjae's tears with the back of his hand, and it's so achingly gentle that when yugyeom leans in, slow and careful and whispering  _is this okay?_ youngjae barely even hesitates before nodding and meeting yugyeom halfway.

it's not an ideal first kiss; youngjae still has tears and snot and probably looks horrendous, but yugyeom is warm and present beside him, somehow both soft and strong as he pulls away for a moment, only to lean in and kiss youngjae again, and again, and again, until both of them feel lightheaded and giddy. youngjae cracks a small smile, laughing lightly when yugyeom blows a raspberry against his neck, and yugyeom laughs too. it's romantic in an incredibly unromantic way, but youngjae loves it, loves yugyeom, and he's happy.

//

when youngjae stays up late, he tries (and fails) not to feel guilty about the possibility of waking up the other members. he doesn't like burdening them in any way, doesn't like for them to even acknowledge his existence when all it seems to do is wear them down.

but yugyeom is different.

yugyeom wakes up earlier than youngjae thinks possible, already groggily moving around when youngjae is still only just drifting off to sleep.

youngjae isn't entire sure when yugyeom sleeps or wakes up; the most he knows is that the younger tends to fall asleep quickly and quietly and never too late. it's a bit comforting to know that yugyeom takes care of himself even if youngjae doesn't, and something about it lets the older boy sleep easier at night.

he doesn't make youngjae feel so bad about simply existing in the corner of their room, and oftentimes yugyeom will stretch and make his way beside youngjae, leaning against the older boy's shoulder while he watches him play games. when youngjae gets tired enough, yugyeom takes him to bed, and if he's feeling particularly relaxed, he'll lay down with him, phone or book in hand. somewhere along the way, youngjae changes to better fit with yugyeom. he doesn't change because yugyeom needs him to or even wants him to; he changes because yugyeom makes him better, and for some reason, in some strange way, he makes yugyeom better, too.

something about the other members changes as well; they stop taking him to their beds and just start staying in his (or rather, his and yugyeom's, now that they've put theirs together). youngjae finds himself waking up more often than not with yugyeom's legs intertwined with his own and another member's arms wrapped around his waist. it does take a bit of getting used to, but when it lets youngjae stay pressed between his friends, warm and loved, he doesn't mind it so much.

still, it doesn't miraculously become easier for youngjae to sleep. he still spends most of his nights with bleary eyes and fumbling hands, but there's a peace of mind now that wasn't there before.

part of him wants to thank yugyeom, but another part of him knows he might as well thank all of the members too while he's at it. (and he does, just not in words, and he's lucky enough to have friends that understand what he can't quite manage to say aloud.)

they learn to love each other even more, to love themselves, even though it's harder more often than not. and when it's hard, it might as well be impossible; sometimes they show up to their schedule silent and tense, bags heavy under their eyes and a rigidness that weighs against their shoulders even more than their chest. it's not entirely uncommon for them to be stuck whispering pent up passive-aggressive frustrations at three in the morning, voices hoarse and raw and itching to hurt the other as much as the other hurt them, but without waking anyone else up.

it's then that they want to give up, to throw away whatever they had been building between the two of them and just move on with whatever they had left.

but then there are times when it's so, so worth it, when one of them takes a little less and gives a little more even when they both know it's not fair. it's when they fall into each other after every argument and can finally remember what it's like to breathe, to feel something other than the spark snapping beneath their skin and scratching between their bones. it's when yugyeom buries his face against youngjae's shoulder and hums against his skin, warm and gentle and everything youngjae used to hope home would be.

bambam especially had used to joke with the two of them, asking them how they go so well together when there are so many things wrong. it's always said with laughter pressed against his words, but there's always a look of pure wonder in bambam's eyes, one that only grows when yugyeom shrugs and says, "somehow, it works."

youngjae wants to agree, but he knows how. he knows it in the way he knows yugyeom's eyes curve a little more when he's surprised or the way yugyeom's hand always gravitates toward his own.

he knows how it works, and the next time bambam messages him asking, how he and yugyeom are still together, he sends a screenshot of the dictionary's definition of  _home_.

(bambam sends a screenshot back, but it's from urban dictionary and it's about  _whipped_. youngjae laughs.)

**Author's Note:**

> this took me an embarrassingly long amount of time,,, rip,,,,,,,,  
> im sorry i havent uploaded anything else in awhile!!!! i have a ton of drafts that i've been working on, but i'm going to try and post more soon!!! :'))  
> feel free to hmu on tumblr @ summeryugyeom if u have requests or just wanna talk <3  
> any kudos or bookmarks r super appreciated, but comments r the best aljfdskl nyWAYS. thank u for reading thru all of this!! i hope u guys liked reading it bc i liked writing it (even if it took me 5ever,,) ily !!!!!  
> (im? also considerin writing a prequel for this for jjp so let me know if ud b interested in that!!!)


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